there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
