I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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