hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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