i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
