fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
