i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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