We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm passing your future prison.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
