I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
