woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
