I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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