Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
