I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
