My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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