At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
and she was petting her beer can
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
