Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
