I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Found the puke drawer
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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