just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
