Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
