im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
