i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
time to smoke my breakfast
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
