the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
