I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
