I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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