Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
