we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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