life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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