summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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