i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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