Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
