My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
