Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
