my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
