Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think my vagina is haunted
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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