I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
