He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
