my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
