Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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