We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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