I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
