Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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