This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
