Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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