i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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