SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
