if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
