Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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