We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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