i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
