is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
