Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
