I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I got inside last night via doggy door
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
